TV Season 9

Freddie the Freeloader has a problem. All the Beatniks in town keep dropping into his shack because they think it’s a coffeehouse. 1: Monologue, Jokes about Russia. Joke about Grand Canyon. Joke about his watch.

Eager to prove himself so that Daisy Jane will marry him, Clem Kadiddlehopper gets a job in Mr. Tompkins’ general store. 1: Monologue, Drunk – I have a cold. 2: Pantomime, Little old lady and a little boy shopping in a market. 3: Jokes about old-fashioned country stores.

The imagination of hen-pecked George Appleby is stirred by horror movies and stories. He wakes one morning to find that his wife, Clara, has turned into a bird. 1: Monologue, Show is rigged – they tell me what to do. Joke about going to the doctor because I forget things. 2: Pantomime, “The Hot Dog.” Little old man and the little boy.

The West is being terrorized by a girl bandit. The people ask Deadeye to bring in the girl. 1: Monologue, Jokes about women running for different offices.

Fabian is faced with a problem. A bunch of young girls is chasing after him and he is trying to find a place to hide. Freddie, not knowing that he is Fabulous Fabian, offers him his shack as a hideout. 1: Monologue, Jokes about rock and roll. 2: Pantomime, A story of a little old man who loves to listen to pretty music and a little boy who loves rock and roll.

Meek George Appleby becomes a weather expert and is consulted about favorable conditions for rocket firings. He becomes so famous that he is kidnapped by agents. 1: Monologue, Jokes about cranberries. Poem about the weather. 2: Pantomime, Trying to eat a meal on the plane. 3: Joke about two seagulls flying over Los Angeles.

San Fernando Red decides to help a women’s group put on a play for the benefit of a boy’s club. San Fernando passes himself off as a well-known producer and promises the ladies parts in the play for money. 1: Monologue, Jokes about turkeys. Joke about two turkeys on a farm. 2: Pantomime, “The Little Old Man and the Turkey.”

Clara Appleby has written friends that her husband, George, is a Hollywood producer. Actually, George is the proprietor of a studio hamburger stand. 1: Monologue, Jokes about hen-pecked husbands. Jokes about wives – how women change after they are married.

To stop her mother’s nagging about Bolivar’s laziness, Myrtle tells her that Bobby Rydell, an idol of teenagers, is going to sing the song Bolivar is writing. 1: Pantomime, Little old man who loves to listen to music and a little boy who loves rock and roll.

Clem Kadiddlehopper gets a job at the post office during the Christmas rush. One day a woman gives him a box of candy to mail and Clem accidentally breaks the box open. He eats the candy, not realizing that hidden in the chocolates are valuable pearls – the loot of a recent theft. 1: Monologue, Joke about two dogs talking in front of the post office. 2: Pantomime, Story of a mailman and the problems involved to collect a two-cent postage due.

Lulubelle asks Sheriff Deadeye to give up his dangerous life and settle down as a bartender in her father’s saloon. Deadeye is reluctant until he hears that Big Pete and his gang are coming to town. 1: Monologue, Joke about two cows talking. Joke about a Texan in Hawaii. Joke about a deaf and dumb guy that stutters – had two fingers shot off.

Clem Kadiddlehopper operates a radio station in his uncle’s country store. Clem becomes infatuated with Julie London’s voice and plays one of her records thousands of times on the air. 1: Monologue, Jokes about disk jockeys.

Clem goes to visit Al Capp in his New York City apartement, and Capp takes him on a tour of Dogpatch. He meets the cast from the original movie “Lil’ Abner.” 1: Monologue, none

To stop his wife’s nagging and eager to prove himself, meek and mild-mannered George Appleby joins the Jim Dandy’s Health Club. In the meantime, Jim Dandy asked his assistant manager to find a real, broken down and tired business man.

Mike McClusky, boss of a boxing syndicate, tells his hoods to get the crummiest fighter they can find for a crooked fight. The thugs discover Cauliflower McPugg. 1: Monologue, none.

San Fernando Red is delighted with the success of his latest money-making scheme — hiring young men to impersonate the new singing idol, Fabian, on around-the-world tours. The plan hits a snag when the real Fabian attempts to audition for San Fernando. 1: Monologue, none.

Mild-mannered George Appleby attends a boat show and finds just the boat he has always wanted. After making a deal to buy the boat, George discovers his wife, Clara, has spent the money on a fur coat. 1: Monologue, Jokes about boats. 2: Pantomime, Little old man and little boy. The old man being a lover of the sea builds boats in bottles.

Bolivar creates some beer in a bathtub and his concoction is so successful it gets him an invitation to join Scarface’s mob. But Bolivar is ambitious and wants to be the mob leader. 1: Monologue, Jokes about the Roaring Twenties. 2: Pantomime, Little old man was the first one in his neighborhood to own a car and the little boy next door.

Mae West comes up to see Red Skelton. In a sketch about an interview show called “Meet The Author,” Mae West describes her encounters with three characters she didn’t include in her autobiography. 1: Monologue, none.

In his shootin’ sheriff role, Red is seen as Deadeye the Blacksmith. A blacksmith a day has been put away so Sheriff Deadeye takes over as village smithy to catch the killers. 1: Monologue, Jokes about returning from his engagements in Miama, Dallas and Houston. Jokes about why cowboys wear a large 10-gallon hat.

Freddie uses a dirty old canvas to keep the wind out of his shack and finds a painting underneath the dirt. 1: Monologue, none.

Impressed by two sleuths in the building where he’s the elevator operator, Clem Kadiddlehopper decides to become a detective. 1: Monologue, Jokes about being a private eye. Joke about being a life saver in a hotel. 2: Pantomime, It was murder trying to kill this guy.

Amanda Blake of Gunsmoke and sneezing Billy Gilbert promote San Fernando Red for Governor. San Fernando’s rise to political power is told in a series of flashbacks. San Fernando’s beginnings were humble — he was a common thief. 1: Monologue, none.

Jay “Dennis The Menace” North comes to make life even more miserable for Freddie the Freeloader and Muggsy. They don’t have a dime but Dennis and a pal put the touch on them for anything. 1: Monologue, A guy smoking his cigar.

Audrey Meadows plays a faded glamor girl. Clem Kadiddlehopper tells the census taker about his magic well and now everybody wants a drink. 1: Monologue, Jokes about the art museum and famous paintings. 2: Pantomime, What happened after the museum closed for the night. (edited)

There are two screwy scientists working on a strength serum. They’re anxious to test it on a complete physical wreck in Cauliflower McPugg. 1: Monologue, Jokes about Easter Week is over. Joke about the girl who has nothing. Jokes about Beverly Aadland. 2: Pantomime, The little old man wants the little boy to eat his spinach.

Matchmaking can be a moneymaking racket. San Fernando Red and handsome Al are delighted to help the ladies find husbands for a slight fee. 1: Monologue, Jokes about marriage. Gertrude and Heathcliffe shall we fly home? We will have to we are in no condition to walk. Cities, people and different ways of walking. 2: Pantomime, Watching your favorite TV program.

Freddie the Freeloader and Muggsy arrive penniless in Las Vegas but expect a letter containing some money. The letter comes with two cents postage due on it. 1: Monologue, Jokes about Las Vegas. 2: Pantomime, A little old man enjoys going out to the race track once in a while.

Clem trades the Kadiddlehopper cow for a bag of magic beans which sprout into a gigantic stalk that takes Clem to Mars. 1: Monologue, Jokes about fairy tales. 2: Pantomime, The Ugly Duckling.

Marilyn Maxwell plays Esther, who runs the “Weansweryourphone Service.” She has trouble with some of her clients including Clem Kadiddlehopper, Bolivar Shagnasty, Cauliflower McPugg and Willie Lump-Lump. 1: Monologue, Jokes about telephones. 2: Pantomime, A man rushing his wife to the maternity hospital.