TV Season 8

1: Monologue – jokes about Las Vegas and Red’s engagement at the Riviera Hotel in August of 1958. 2: Pantomime – Little old man and little boy at a baseball game. 3: Freddie wins a raffle for a ticket to the World Series, but throws his winning stub away when accused of cheating at the raffle. When his number is drawn a second time, he and his pal run into complications trying to find the stub

Guest Stars: Gene Raymond (General), John Carradine (Dr. Offenbacher)

1: Monologue – Science fiction jokes, new invention (paper gimmick which can be used as Christmas bell, car hub cap, various hats and Sir Walter Raleigh collar), and a mad scientist discovers the hula hoop.

2: Clem’s barn becomes a base for a space rocket which a lone scientist is building. Clem pushes the wrong control one day while trying to help and sends the man into outer space. The Defense Department thinks Clem is the scientist

1: Monologue – Jokes about pioneer rocket to the moon and jokes about cab drivers. 2: Pantomime – Cab driver trying to drive and park his cab. 3: Bolivar is asked to appear on a quiz show because of his photographic memory. He reaches the top but runs into trouble with opponent who tries to hypnotize him

1: Monologue – political jokes. 2: Pantomime – various types of voters in the booth at election time. 3: Freddie’s pals persuade him to run for councilman in the coming election, but his opponent tries to frame him. He winds up in jail but an attractive reporter gets the facts to the public and, in doing so, becomes the candidate herself at Freddie’s insistence

1: Monologue – jokes about singing. 2: Pantomime – music to iron your clothes by. 3: Pantomime – music to pluck a chicken by. 4: Clem takes singing lessons and pays his teacher with counterfeit money unbeknownest to him. In an effort to nab the counterfeiters, the authorities make it known that he can identify them and set him up in Carnegie Hall in a concert

1: Monologue – jokes with rollar-ring, joke with a turkey or CBS’s answer to NBC’s peacock color and jokes about hunting and ducks. 2: Appleby sneaks out of his house to go duck hunting with two pals. By accident, they pick an atomic bomb blockhouse in a restricted area as their camp

1: Monologue – jokes about cowboys, horseback riding, horses and the west and two horses talking. 2: Pantomime – The old shepherd and the little boy. 3: Deadeye has been leading a wagon train across the country and in circles for years, trying to reach California. They are finally attacked by Indians and taken to their camp to be burned at the stake

1: Entire show done in pantomime with no monologue. 2: Freddie tries to find a way to get a free Thanksgiving dinner. He finally succeeds and winds up with so many he is taken to the hospital

1: Monologue – jokes about the Army. 2: Pantomime – old man watching a parade. 3: Bolivar gets a date with his sergeant’s girl but has to fix her girlfriend up with a blind date. The blind date turns out to be afraid of girls and the sergeant catches Bolivar with his girl

1: Monologue – telegram from Jack Benny, jokes about antiques, Cape Cannaveral joke, different types of people at antique furniture auction and how the bidding goes (sold to six-finger Louie). 2: Clem meets an attractive collector of antiques and goes into business with her. Their first job is to redecorate a wealthy matron’s home in Early American, but they run into trouble with a competitor

1: Monologue – Jokes about Zsa Zsa Gabor, Ziegfield Follies and girls, joke about two penguins talking, and jokes about fishing in Alaska and Bob Hope. 2: San Fernando Red heads to Alaska with his girlfriend. They set up shop in Nuggetsville and fleece the miners for fair

1: Monologue – Telegram from Miami, Cape Canaveral joke, jokes about excess weight on the plane and jokes about Red’s engagements in small towns. 2: Pantomime – children. 3: Freddie and his buddy, Muggsy, get involved with an international spy ring. It all begins when Freddie is approached by a stranger who wants to hide a mysterious black box

1: Monologue – jokes about kissing, marriage, love, girls and husbands vs. wives. 2: Pantomime with narration – lady-killer type man dancing with and treating girls like rag dolls, then discovering one in particular is special, instead of being a rag doll she turns out to be a real person and loveliest at the party. 3: A new, pretty school teacher persuades Clem to come back to school, but he is too bashful, so she invites him to a masquerade party at her home to try and get him over it. He comes as a big cat and she comes as a St. Bernard. Then she and her mother get him drunk on rum-filled candy so he will propose

1: Monologue – Introduction of famous explorer whose beat-up appearance is attributed to trying to cross an L.A. freeway, and jokes about exploring. 2: Pantomime – little old man and the mosquito. 3: Appleby goes on an anthropological expedition to Alaska and uncovers a prehistoric man, perfectly preserved in a block of ice. He brings it back to America, the ice melts and the man comes to life. Appleby and his wife try to civilize him

1: Monologue – jokes about physical culture and body building. 2: Pantomime – old man and little boy and their medicines. 3: McPugg takes a job as trainer to the boy of a wealthy mother who admits he is a sissy and must be taught to defend himself. McPugg meets two men who take him and the boy to their health camp, but unbeknownst to him, they are kidnappers and are holding the boy for ransom

1: Monologue – jokes about Miami Beach and new jet planes. 2: Pantomime – tired business man down on Miami Beach. 3: Phillip and Velma work a lonely hearts racket. Velma has married a number of husbands through a lonely hearts club and has murdered each husband after insuring his life for a large sum. As the scene opens, Phillip and Velma are making ready for their next victim, Clem Kadiddlehopper

Freddie the Freeloader inherits a large sum of money from his late Uncle Mortimer. But there’s on condition – he must hold down a job for a least one full day in order to collect. Monologue: 1: Jokes about the Hotel Fountebleau in Miami Beach. 2: Jokes about the Maitre D. 3: Joke about Mona Freeman being a child star.

That old reprobated San Fernando Red loses his river baot to gamber Clayton Harrison in a card game. Harrison also had devloped a liking for Red’s daughter Mary Lou. In an attempt to find a way to recover the boat, Red stays on as a cabin boy. Monologue: Pantomine: “Little old man and the small children” 1: Jokes about the Taxan mad it the hard way. 2: The biggest gambling boat called the Las Vegas. 3: A wife complaining that she wants a fur coat — don’t shave a month a see what happens. 4: Hey boy! how big do they grow them in Texas. 5: Owners under the roulette table fixing wires.

Clem recieves a diploma from an acting school and decides to apply for a job at the CBS Television Studios. He doesn’t make much of an impression at the CBS casting office, so he goes to ask Garry Moore for a job. Monologue: Pantomime: “Old Time Movie Star” 1: Jokes about the Golden Globe Award presented by the Foreign Press Association. 2: Jokes about the different stars that were there that night.

Freddie gets mixed up with a gang of bank robbers, but doesn’t realize it until they are about to pull a job, using him as the driver of their get-away car. No monologue

Clara Appleby tells husband George that she has decided to rent their spare room. George is unhappy until he sees the first applicant – a very attractive young lady. But Clara turns down the young lady. Their next applicant is Bugs, a real gone musician. 1: Monologue, Jokes about Beatniks. 2: Pantomime, music affects people (have my chair, watch hand) eating soup, eating ear of corn and hiccupping.

Cookie disguises himself to look like a famous Japanese tightrope performer in order to keep a date with a pretty Japanese girl after he is thrown in the brig for serving Muldoon his pet parrot as fried chicken. Cookie runs into trouble when a party given by; the Captain, who thinks he is the famous artist. 1: Monologue, Jokes about Skelton’s trip to Japan. Japanese jokes. Original Japanese philosophy narrated by Red in Japanese fashion. 2: Pantomime, American entering Japanese restaurant, trying to order foo and eat it.

John Carradine is the boss of some rustlers who hires Deadeye (Red) to tame a wild town that had lost 41 marshals in a month. Deadeye gets help from a dance hall queen. 1: Monologue, Jokes about horses. 2: Pantomime, “Old Prospector and the Little Boy.” Telling his favorite stories of the Old West to the boy.

George Appleby discovers a formula which removes smog from the air, but his wife, Clara, is upset because that’s not all it does. 1: Monologue, Jokes about smog. Million dollars green and wrinkled. Chase girls and forgot why. Plane to Chicago – so smoggy, use radar to find the plane. 2: Pantomime, “Mechanical Man.”

Freddie is invited to attend a Mother’s Day party given by his wealthy brother, Harold. Then he realizes that he has no money to buy a gift. 1: Monologue, Jokes about Mother’s Day. Joke About Truman as Maitre D. Republican dinner – one to serve, one to burp. 2: Pantomime, “Our Typical Mother On Mother’s Day.”

Clem, a vaccuum cleaner salesman, becomes the guinea pig for a mad scientist who is experimenting with growth hormones. 1: Monologue, Joke with Peter Lorre giving blood to the Red Cross. Additional jokes about Lorre. 2: Pantomime, different types of victims getting shot in movies.

San Fernando Red reads that the wealthy Mrs. Vandermeer is grief-stricken over the recent death of her husband. San Fernando decides to make the rich widow his next victim. 1: Monologue, Jokes about superstition. 2: Pantomime, different women and their reaction on a scale.

Freddie and his pal Muggsy wander into a large music strore where they make a record without realizing it. Later they hear the tune over the radio and the disc jockey announces that it has sold over a million copies. 1: Monologue, Jokes about music and singing. Gauguin.

Cauliflower McPugg is hired by a movie studio to condition one of its top actors for a prizefighting role. But when the actor’s girlfriend takes a fancy to McPugg’s rugged way, the actor begins to take his boxing seriously. 1: Monologue, Jokes about fighting. Joke about athletes walking around Muscle Beach. Blood bank – artificial color added. Who bit his leg off – all alligators looked alike.